Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
