I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
