grandma shit on top of the toilet
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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