I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
