Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
