for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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