I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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