my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
