Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
