i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
