Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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