windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
