Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
