Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
