Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
