just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
