I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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