Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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