We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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