He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
