Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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