You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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