I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i will never coherently bang her
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pants are for mortals
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
