Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
