yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
