so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
