because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
