dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
