Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
