Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
