what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
