On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
