hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
