if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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