I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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