Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
