Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
