i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just pee around me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
