My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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