we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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