found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
