you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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