Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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