We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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