just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
