I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
