May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
