My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i love accidental penises.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
