I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
