Where is the hickey?
Duck Duck Cougar?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
